ok well normally i dont write this kinda shit on xanga for the world to see, but this time it’s different. I just need everyone to understand about how i REALLY feel. So anyway for the past few weeks or so i’ve been feeling depressed, i don’t know why really. i havent gone to school for the past 3 or more weeks and instead ive been staying at home.. it’s weird, when i’m at home i cry about nothing.. and every little thing can make me emmotional. I feel ugly, stupid, and pathetic all the time. it sounds stupid but i’m scared about going to school.. i dont wanna be known as the loser that doesnt show up to class or the guy who’s failing his grade. My counselor has called my mom and dad and my mom is pissed and says my dad could kick us out. i was supposed to go today and yesterday, i even woke up on time.. but i just didnt want to.. like REALLY didnt want to. it sounds so stereotypical but it’s true, i feel empty inside. i don’t feel like doing anything .. like talking to people, going out, making friends, etc etc.. its really wrong and i feel so bad about it, it’s just something that i can’t do right now.. it’s hard for me to express my emotions and its hard for me to show people that im weak. i’ve been contemplating seeing my doctor for the past 2 weeks and i was even gonna schedule an appointment.. but when it all comes down to it, im just scared to talk about it with her. i mean i wanna get help, i know its not normal for me to feel this way.. things that would make me happy at times like this, they dont work anymore.. i feel like i lost alot of myself and im ready to become normal again!!! im sorry if i acted like an ass to anyone, and thanks for reading..

ok im at school right now and im bored as hell… i compiled a list of my christmas wish list.

1. the louis vuitton wallet with the rainbow LV print. MMMM..

2. this one’s dorky – a subscription to boomspeed.com & my own website with hosting.

3. gay.com premium account.

4. a year subscription to XY

5. an orange fluffy kitten

6. an alarm clock

7. Ala moana gift certificates.

8. AX jeans… the ones that look like they’re plaid but aren’t.

9. Money

10. the GAP, DIESEL & AX displays.. lol.

11. a jetta

12. your mom.

13.a ticket to L.A.

14. something decorative..

15. anything cute.

I did it in 24 seconds.
I deserved a B+!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

i’m happy, there’s no school tomorrow cause it’s a waiver day.

soooo this weekend was interesting, went to eat at buca’s on friday with dean and kristy and saw the haunted mansion.. that was kinda scary for a disney movie. and we went to go chill at our little lookout spot by sandy beach which was also scary. saturday i slept in cause the rain made me tired. we ate at chilis and went to venus which is gonna be 21+ soon.. or so they say. it was alright though, don’t remember too much except for our little dutch dance after. and today i bought my dorky glasses & fragrant deodorant from ala moana.